“Paycheck?” No, never heard of it.
1. You’ve run out of ways to describe your job to people.
2. You identify with this on a daily basis:
Not that that stops you from going to Wikipedia.
3. “Weekend” has become as unfamiliar a term to you as “savings account.”
4. You get bored over spring break.
5. Your sense of humor is entirely comprised of jokes about your discipline.
6. Your field of study is now so specific you can discuss it with literally two other people in the world.
7. The world “problematic” sends you into a searing rage.
8. Your version of health insurance is looking both ways before you cross the street and taking a lot of vitamin C.
9. When your advisor asks if you want to come in and discuss how your prospectus is going:
10. You spend way too much time laughing at this:
11. You’ve started calling your professors by their first names.
12. Undergrads call you “sir” or “ma’am.”
13. This is you and your colleagues:
14. You’ve stopped going to lectures and show up just in time for the post-event wine-and-cheese reception.
15. “My boyfriend’s name is JSTOR” is something you’ve actually said.
16. How you feel when you go to an undergrad party:
17. This is all too true.
18. You urge all first-years to make this their mantra.
19. You say awkward things on dates because you’re not used to conversing with non-academics.
20. You had a dream about your adviser. It was weirdly sexual.
21. Your fridge contains one bottle of hard liquor and a bag of generic shredded cheese, half-empty from putting handfuls directly into your mouth.
22. This is you…or you desperately wish it were you.
23. If someone so much as utters the phrase, “So, when are you graduating?” around you: